What Is Limerence? Definition, Stages, Signs, And Difference From Love
Ok, so is this term new to you, or have you heard it but are unaware of its reality? You don't need to worry, and I hope that by the end of this article, you will be well-acquainted with Limerence. So do you start and end your day constantly thinking about him, the dimples on his cheeks, the lines on his forehead, how beautiful his eyes sparkle when he laughs? How they attract you even when they are not in front of you etc. You didn't expect to find the kind of love you imagined as a child, but eventually, you found it, and that's all you think. That is, the truest form of romance and love that you are feeling today, but is it love or limerence? So you should come to make a difference.
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What Is Limerence And Its Origin?
Limerence is a high-level mental state of intense romantic attraction, infatuation, deep passion, and imaginary longing; experiences can range from euphoria to despair. Limerence is a term that was coined or discovered by Dorothy Tennow, a famous psychologist in the 70s. It refers to your state of mind and the exciting feelings you get when you meet someone for the first time. During this time we often expect more from that special someone, such as things like more time, affection, attention, and care. It is an extremely intense emotional arousal, intense attraction, and longing thought that makes us yearn for another person, often people refer to this feeling as love at first sight.
- At first glance, limerence seems just like falling in love. Being so infatuated with someone at first sight and appreciating them with all your heart doesn't seem negative at all. Being in someone's charms can sound incredibly exciting, but even at its highest of high dramatization, limerence is like an empty box compared to what real love can provide.
- Limerence is often confused with genuine love. While the truth is that many people do not recognize the existence of limerence and its presence, and consider anyone experiencing it to be hopeless, insane, sexually promiscuous, or obsessed with love. But the reality is far from it and limerence and love are not the same thing at all. Truth be told, limerence can be considered as the diamond of fool's love, which appears very shiny but has no real essence.
Real Love vs Limerence
To put it scientifically, limerence and love can look similar and start very similar to dopamine, which is why it can be confusing to differentiate and recognize. But where limerence is short-lived, one-sided, and conditional, real love is fluid, intense, and unconditional. When you're truly in love with someone, you want them to be happy no matter what they give you or who they are.
Real love The initial attraction develops over time and eventually turns into something solid, deep, and lasting. Love is more stable, serious, and grounded while limerence is neither permanent nor serious nor durable, as if you are flying and then it leaves you with the feeling of being in the clouds. Real love is a deep connection that people develop after getting to know each other, caring for each other, experiencing all of life together, and overcoming challenges together. Limerence is often accompanied by just charm and a tendency to overlook flaws and red flags. With limerence, you may be the subject of affection, focusing excessively on the limerence and its positive characteristics. And to the extent that you may overlook existing flaws and direct your intense, irrational feelings toward the idea, rather than who and what the person is.
If you are still unsure whether you are in this confusing situation or not, consider it from this angle. Real love between partners becomes stable and serious through mutual connection, interests, empathy, caring, and shared experiences. In contrast, limerence is marked by intensity and then rapid volatility, and a fast down. Real and serious love is rooted in connection, intimacy, reciprocity, honesty, and genuineness, while lemming is rooted in possession, passion, jealousy, need, and delusion.
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Symptoms Of Limerence
The signs or symptoms of limerence can be somewhat difficult to understand, as its presence and concept are usually seen as a fairy tale, and therefore remains positive in contemporary culture. But knowing the subtle differences between limerence and real love can help you enter into the right commitments and understand real love, and it can be sure that you are serious about each other in the way that both of you deserve.
Here are some such signs that should be looked out for to know that you are not falling in real love but in limerence:
1: Ambiguity About Who The Person You Are Attracted To Is
Limerence is like a shining gold that appears to be real, but it is an illusion whether it is real or not. Yet you consider it real, think about shaping it. Because your perspective of them is so limited that you cannot fully appreciate them during the good and the bad. If you are not able to choose to let each other know about each other's love, pain points, and potential positive and negative characteristics, then there is a lack of vulnerability in connection and trust. If you're experiencing limerence, it's important to recognize the illusion you've created in your mind. The version and stereotype that you have created about that person may just be a glorified and exaggerated fantasy, created specifically to satisfy your unfulfilled needs and represent the achievement of something unwanted.
2: Unwarranted Intrusions, Involuntary Thinking, Fantasizing About Them In Which You Are Often Lost
So are your thoughts towards them too all-consuming, and getting in the way of you living your everyday life? Do you find yourself making a lot of sense out of the fleeting, or taking real shape and pondering the unimportant moments? If so, it is a sign that you are experiencing limerence, not love. You will unknowingly fantasize and sometimes unknowingly get carried away by even the smallest or most insignificant conversation you have with him and fantasize about being and having a future with him. Relationships are tied together by a collection of all kinds of moments, and they aren't always rosy and rosy, but relationships fueled by true emotional connection feel strong, serious, caring, and multifaceted in their diversity. Whereas Limerence doesn't have that much depth, and if you are into it, it might just be your imagination and one-sided love, which is nothing more than a one-note romantic comedy. Sometimes you intrude into their personal life and it is just because you are very much attracted towards them.
3: Avoid Prioritizing Real Life as You Center The Imaginary Relationship
So if you're in limerence, it can be a challenge to focus on anything other than your crush. Your near and dear ones complain that they talk less or ignore you, even though they miss you. Real work tends to take a back seat as you quickly work on non-visual projects. You even ignore your hobbies and needs so that you have more time to think about them and create a role. Whereas the thing about real love is that it brings positive changes in your life. In contrast, limerence swallows up all aspects of your life and focuses on just one thing.
4: You Feel Emotionally Dependent On Their Smallest Response
If you are experiencing a strong and persistent same desire to express your feelings, then you have an emotional dependence on limerence. When you are not around them, you feel anxious because without them you cannot function. As the meaning behind their behavior and signs combined with your exaggerated interpretations, is causing you mood swings, you stop taking the drug, or feelings of extreme euphoria and excitement in the form of perceived signs of reciprocity, or feelings of deep depression, anxiety, or anger caused by perceived signs. If the person you love distances you, or sets boundaries, you still find yourself violating personal boundaries, and these are acute symptoms of limerence.
Different Stages Of Limerence
So the truth is that lemmings can be in different phases, even if you are not aware of it, but if you are in it then you must understand and accept it. So, that's why we know about its different stages.
Stage 1: Being Infatuated
The first stage of limerence is similar to the first stage of a real relationship. It is considered as the initial stage of falling in love, with its earlier stages known as the infatuation phase. The release of the feel-good hormone dopamine is the same for both, but if you're in limerence, there can be an overabundance of curiosity for them, which increases our infatuation with our feelings about the other person. And the effect is so intense that it's easy to ignore red flags or the facts in front of you. In this, you may find yourself physically nervous and also spend time evaluating whether they are a good fit for you, and you don't feel bad about them.
Step 2: Developing Crystallization Or Superstition
The next phase of relationships is the phase of building trust and seriousness. Restraint begins to wane in this phase and the partners are still faced with challenges and disappointments. In true love, the more devoted the partners are to each other, the more likely they are to have a successful relationship.
Whereas in limerence this stage is known as the crystallization or superstition stage. In which rejection is also refused to be accepted. You want their affection at all costs, even when it manifests as overly compulsive thoughts. And hope that what appears to be wrong, there is a strong desire to keep things alive even after everything is gone during this phase.
Stage 3: Onset Of Decline
The third step in a healthy and genuine relationship is to build commitment, loyalty, and seriousness. This is the time when all partners nurture a relationship that feels safe, honest, and equitable. This is the phase of love or a real relationship that seems most stable and predictable, and partners tend to be more loyal and serious. But on the contrary, when it reaches this stage for limerence, it enters the decline stage, and instead of strengthening the relationship starts breaking down, and misunderstandings are exposed. At this point, as the illusion wears off, the person you like loses interest and becomes the opposite of what you thought they were. And in the end, it usually ends with utter disappointment and frustration.
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Can Limerence Ever Turn Into Love?
- Limerence has the same origins as love, and it brings us together and provides an opportunity to grow into love and attraction, and love is a risk. So there is no guarantee that it can turn into real love. However, building and nurturing a relationship based on trust, loyalty, honesty, and fairness paves the way for deeper intimacy. It must require the intention and effort of each partner to turn it into love, and if it does, it may well turn into love.
- Once you stop idealizing them, reducing your dependence on them, or admitting mistakes and lies and bringing curiosity and curiosity into the way you engage with them, it can turn into a healthy relationship. Provided that you are getting the same from them. Overall limerence may be able to transform into love, but it only requires a change in the mindset of the person experiencing limerence.
- Instead of often depending on them to meet your needs, you need to start relying on yourself, finding true happiness, meeting your needs on your own, and trusting in your strength. It creates avenues for a mutual connection, and openness in love, helps to be loyal and serious, to experience understanding and empathy. And then he also shows seriousness to you so naturally the limerence can turn into real love.
Conclusion
The idea and feel of limerence is beautiful, but it can be a hoax, an illusion, a shallow and emotionally immature version of love rather than the real thing. If you're serious with a new boyfriend but feeling uncomfortable, slowing down to add real logic to your feelings can help you avoid continuing any unhealthy limerence behaviors. So take the time to put yourself in the mirror of reality, and think about how they are, and what they represent, to you. It is important to understand that instead of getting swept up in things, you have to understand that deep love is quietly intimate and pure and that it comes with equal amounts of beauty and fear. If you realize that you are overly mad at someone, and they want to avoid you, ignore you, accept the reality, and avoid the limerence.
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